Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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