I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
