You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
