i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
