you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
