She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
