It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
