you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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