i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
