weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
