How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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