so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
