can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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