i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
