Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
