areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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