I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
