cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize