the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
