He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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