Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
