6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
