dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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