so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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