there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
