so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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