dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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