There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
