does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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