Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
