Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
