: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize