mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize