Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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