Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
