How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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