So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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