Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
