he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize