RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
