My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
