Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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