Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize