Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
