I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
