my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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