You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
