she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
