The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
