Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
