if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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