My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
