Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
