My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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