TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
