So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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