Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
