New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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