And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
