He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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