I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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