All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
