my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She even gives head with a lisp.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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