Moan for me like Helen Keller
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
