You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
