Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
