I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is my gift to your gina
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
