just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
look no pants
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
