Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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