last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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