I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
