Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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