If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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