ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
