Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
