Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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