remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
